What an Endo Flare Feels Like
I recently went through the worst endometriosis flare up that I’ve had in a long time, and by long time, I mean, since surgery in 2021. It brought back feelings and fears that I thought were behind me, and I felt this was an unfortunate opportunity to share my experience with you and feel together.
I thought this was behind me, I thought I had been learning and growing. Which I have been, but I didn’t realize how easy it was to slip back into old feelings, and forget my limits. These flare ups arn’t just about pain, they effect your entire being. If you’ve ever wondered what an endometriosis flare feels like, this is what mine was like.
The Flare - A Moment-by-Moment Breakdown
Let me set the stage, I was confident and excited to start a new journey with a new job. It wasnt something that was outside of my reach on paper. I knew being on my feet for long hours would be a challenge, and I did my best to prepare for it. I bought new shoes, packed a bag full of all of my tools. I felt ready, but what I didn’t know really halted me.
Three days in and everything hurt:
My feet began to ache, my shoulders dipped, my eyes sunk into my head from exhaustion
My bowels started to protest, the new environment causing increased cramping and nausea
My legs felt like they were stung by bees everywhere from my waist down
Then, there was the emotional toll
I couldn’t sleep from racing thoughts
My time at home I became a complete zombie unable to do anything but sit in front of the TV
I thought I was stronger than this. I thought I had “moved on.” I thought I could rely on my body again.
All of this led to a complete breakdown. Panic overload like something twisting deep inside me, pulling, burning, clamping down on nerves I can’t see but absolutely feel. I know the difference between discomfort and an endo flare. This was a flare.
My entire body went rigid. I couldn’t talk. I couldn’t breathe normally. I couldn’t think. The pain swallowed everything.
But worse than the pain? The fear. That sharp, intrusive voice in my head saying:
“What if it’s back for good?”
“What if this is my life again?”
“What if surgery didn’t fix it and I just… broke again?”
How I Took Care of Myself
There wasn’t a perfect plan… there never is. But here’s a few things that helped me through
Medications
A heating Pad
Breathing Techniques
Crying… A lot
Letting someone know I was in pain instead of hiding it
Cancelling everything and letting that be okay
What didn’t help?
Blaming myself
Googling “endometriosis flare up after surgery”
Trying to “push through” the pain
Thinking I had to earn rest
If You’re In It Too…
I don’t have a happy ending to this post. The pain isn’t magically gone. The fear didn’t disappear overnight. The guilt of cancelling is killing me, I feel like a failure.
Flare days are terrifying. They take. They unsettle.
But they don’t define you.
So if you’re in the middle of one, or still recovering from your last, please know:
I see you. I believe you. And we can feel this together.
P.S. If you connected with this and want to read more about my journey, I wrote a memoir called What Endometriosis Couldn’t Take From Me. It’s raw and honest, just like this — and it exists for moments like this.
